I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
