I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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