Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
