I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
