Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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