I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
