he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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