Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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