Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
