none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
