stop calling my apartment porn island.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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