im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
