Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
