How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
