I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
did i just pee glitter
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
