1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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