I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
