So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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