I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
