do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
