look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
