Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
