I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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