Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
