Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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