nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
