I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
