it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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