trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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