smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
