marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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