He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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