Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
