I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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