Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
