someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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