I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
