You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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