He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
