i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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