hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
