we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
