I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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