I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
