I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
