if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
