walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
