Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
