Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
