My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
