also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
